Authoritarian Leaders Are Toxic

Authoritarian leaders are toxic. I should know. I was one.

My first job out of college was managing a team of software engineers. My degree helped me handle the project management side of the role, but the people side? I was on my own. Like most people in that situation, I looked to my own past experiences to fill the gap. I’d had a mix of managers prior to becoming one, but the idea that I needed to be a “strong” one seemed to win out.

I was a terrible first-time manager.

I made all the classic mistakes. Micromanagement. Over-control. Resistance to giving anyone more independence. A fragile ego. Intimidation. Threats of consequences. Praise was rare. Criticism was abundant. No questioning the direction. No pushback tolerated.

The people I managed hated me, and for good reason.

When I asked my support system outside of work what to do, the advice was predictable: the employees were the problem. Fire them. Make examples. Show them who’s in charge.

Terrible advice. I knew deep down I was the problem. I just didn’t know where to go from there.

My grandfather was an avid reader. I always marveled at how much knowledge he’d accumulated over the years, across all kinds of topics, all on his own. So I turned to books.

No single book solved my issues. It was a combination from different fields that helped me understand what managing people actually is: it’s coaching.

A good coach pushes the team toward independence. Builds people up. Gives clear, honest feedback on how to improve. When things go wrong, takes accountability instead of looking for someone to blame. Lets go of their ego. Listens. Asks questions. Builds real connection. Pitches in when the team is stuck. And learns how to read the room: most of the time, let the team make the call. In critical or emergency situations, when fast decisions matter, that’s when you step in and decide.

Leaving Zillow was hard, not because I was walking away from a career, but because of the people. My team was amazing. I felt a deep connection with them. The authoritarian manager I started out as had disappeared. In his place was someone I’d spent over a decade becoming.

Parenting taught me the same lesson all over again. You can’t use one style. You learn. You evolve. And early on, I saw that the authoritarian approach isn’t what most situations call for. It’s a weak form of leadership hiding behind a strong face. It’s easy to reach for. And it always turns out badly in the long run.

There is a time and a place for authoritarian leadership. Emergencies. High-stakes decisions that need to move fast. But as a default mode? It’s a shortcut that costs you everything that actually matters: trust, creativity, loyalty, and the kind of team that makes something worth building.